Boundaries are a very useful tool. We tend to forget how important they can be.
I use to believe if I had boundaries,
that it made me a unkind person. I worried others would not like or except me. I would always say "yes" when I was ask to help.
It got to the point that I didn't feel respected.
It wasn't until I heard Ophra spoke out about it, that it clicked. On one of her earlier shows, she shared with me that the concept to receive respect from others, I had to respect myself first.
I soon found out I was not respecting myself by agreeing to situations that caused me discomfort.
Not only did it feel uncomfortable, it would cause me to hide behind fake sicknesses.
Sickness excuses, back then it was easier to tell someone I didn't feel good to get out of me saying "no".
What I discovered was I found myself really sick in bed more and more.
I now knew that's not for me.
I had allowed my mind to go there first.
As I started thinking about a universe that is created to
be nonjudgmental and giving,
and that allowed me to adjust my boundaries.
I got to thinking that the universe is only giving me what I was saying.
You have heard the saying, "fake it till you make it"?
Well I believe I was faking so much sickness to get out to doing things, that I became sick all the time.
My first step for me was to learn to say "NO" and not to fake a sickness to get out of it. I remember the tool I used to help my at this process. I was back when answering machines first came out, so I got my first answering machine. As hard as it was, I would not allow myself to pick up the phone the moment it rang.
I learned to wait for a hour to return all calls.
I had to keep telling myself this was for the good of both of us.
I did this for about a month and wow what did I learn?
I learned that by the time I called back the caller,
they had it under control and
I was no longer needed to fix their situation.
So I guess I had also learned I had been a great enabler.
I also quit getting sick all the time.
I felt that this wonderful universal law
became aware that I no longer was the
"yes" person and the demands quit coming toward me.
I had to show myself what my boundaries were.
I learned only to say "yes" to things
I enjoyed doing and giving to.
In this way, I am giving from the heart.
It has been over many years now and it is still works for me.
I am blessed to have found a way to change myself.
I also learned this affirmation:
"Anyone who can not take no for a answer
is trying to control me"
I have taught this phrase to my grandchildren .
When they first came to me to bug me about
letting them do something I was not ready to do.
I would ask them to do me a favor.
(they are interested in what I was going to say.)
I would ask them to repeat after me.
"Anyone one who"
now they repeated it back
"can not take "NO" for answer"
they would repeat that, when
"is trying to control me"
A light bulb would flicker on their faces,
then I finished up with
"But thank you for asking"
"I will think about it"
Once when I had three of my grand kids in a store,
(They were 1st and 2nd graders then)
and they eyed the candy, then I heard,
"Gramma Sheshe, can we have some candy?"
I said, "Thank you 4 asking so politely,
but dinner is soon."
Of course one said, "Please" with the
cutest face. Now the lady is watching me to
see how I handle it.
I knelt down to their eye level and said,
Repeat after me, " Anyone who..."
All three children turned around and mimicked me
"Is trying to control you",
And went out to the bench outside of the office.
The ladies face dropped and asked me,
"What just happened?"
